I decided, because I am awesome, to try something else in this topic:
Snake Codecs. Feel free to jump in any time ;D
Snake: That guy with the katana...
Colonel: That's Takamaru, a samurai-in-training from ancient Oedo. He's a ronin, but he deserves a lot of respect for saving the shogunate from the influence of the demon Murasame during feudal times.
Snake: So a samurai without a master? ...I like it. What else can he do?
Colonel: Other than his sword skills, watch out for throwing kunai. He can charge them up with fire or transform them into war fans. And when he disappears in a puff of smoke, be sure to look for his shadow: that's his weak point!
Snake: A samurai who fights like a ninja? Disobeying the Law of Bushido? ...I like his style, this Takamaru.
Colonel: ...Just don't repeat that in front of him next time, Snake.
Snake: Blue and pink... haven't I seen these two somewhere before, Otacon?
Otacon: No Snake, you're thinking of the Ice Climbers. These two are King Popo and Queen Lala, the monarchs of Eggerland.
Snake: A land made entirely of eggs? Tell me more. I'm getting hungry.
Otacon: Snake, I wouldn't kid around these two. Lolo alone has an IQ well over 200, and Lala's no laughing matter either. Together they've crushed the Demon King more than a dozen times by solving the most frustrating puzzles known to man. If I were you, I wouldn't even bother setting traps. You just can't outsmart them!
Snake: Hmph, when there's a will there's a way. Just watch!
Otacon: You'll be sorry, Snake.
Snake: Mei-Ling, who's the babe in the helmet and jacket? I like the look of her--
Mei-Ling: SNAKE! That's Mona, the teenage singing sensation from Diamond City. Show some respect! Besides, she's Wario's girl.
Snake: That guy has a girlfriend?!
Me-Ling: Sort of. It's a bit complicated.
Snake: ...typical woman is what you mean, then.
Mei-Ling: Hmm...anyways, she's got a scooter she can ride just like Wario's. And if you get too close she may just smack you with her guitar or fling some of that world-famous Mona's Pizza. She's got a lot of spunk for a girl her age.
Snake: I'll say! Just look at those kicks...
Mei-Ling: SNAKE!
Snake: Heh-heh, sorry...
Snake: You've got to be joking. I'm fighting a chicken!
Colonel: Snake, that's what we call a Chocobo. They're a type of bird people use a mounts in a far off universe. They're pretty fast and strong kickers, so I'd watch out if I were you. It can change its appearance to match the fighting style it will follow, from a physical fighter to a speedy thief and ending on a mage. It's a versatile foe, if I don't say so myself.
Snake: Hey Colonel, is this one yours?
Colonel: Snake, this is no time to kid around.
Snake: Haha, sorry: just thought I could have a piece of the Colonel's Famous Chicken. I'm starving.
Colonel: *sigh*
Snake: I don't do the cat-girl thing, but I have to say it: who's the babe?
Otacon: That "babe" is Krystal from the planet Sauria. She was involved in the war against General Scales on that planet a few years ago. As the last of her race, she was rescued by Fox McCloud and eventually joined the team Star Fox.
Snake: Ah, so we've been acquainted in a way.
Otacon: She's a new addition to the team but she's proven herself useful with her mental prowess. She's a telepath. And with those psychic powers she's become a mean staff fighter too. Be wary of her staff's hard hits--they can send you reeling.
Snake: No prob, Otacon. I like 'em frisky.
Snake: Ugh, who sent the giant beetle? Reminds me of those toys I had as a kid.
Mei-Ling: Oh! It's so cute! It's like my brother's pet he had when we were little. This one's a Heracross, another Pokemon from the Johto Region. It's super cool!
Snake: I take it I have to avoid the horn. It seems like it can fly a little too... How interesting.
Mei-Ling: Yeah Snake, it uses its horn for both battle and display. Its so pretty, so make sure you don't break it or I'll be angry with you.
Snake: Oh, don't worry. I've wrestled bugs bigger than this before. Now I just wonder if it tastes the same too...
Mei-Ling: Ugh, Snake! You're so immature!
: Hello? Is this working? Hello?
Snake: Hey, who bugged the transmitter?
Mica: Oh, hi! My name's Mica! I'm here to tell you about my friend Mike over there.
Snake: The punk with the sword? How lovely.
Mica: His name is Michael Jones and he's wielding the legendary Excalibur. He once saved my people from the space tyrant Zoda back in the day, but now he's a bit older than I remember him. How time changes things...
Snake: So where did he get that cool denim jacket? He reminds me a bit of those pulp comics I used to read as a kid.
Mica: He's definitely a seasoned adventurer. His Excalibur can transform into different weapons based on where he's been, including a bat. He used to pitch for this game "baseball." We don't have it on my planet, but it looks fun. He says he's from a place called "Seattle."
Snake: Seattle, huh? I've been there. Nice place. Sounds like an All-American boy, then.
Mica: He's the best!
Snake: Okay, seriously: who put a doll on the field?
Otacon: Snake, that's not just any doll. It's alive!
Snake: A-WHA?!
Otacon: It's Geno, the legendary Star Warrior who nobody wanted in the game. He uses lasers and star-based weapons to fight. At least... he did in Mario RPG.
Snake: What happened to him?
Otacon: Well, it turns out Masahiro Sakurai didn't like the idea and so he put him in the game as the first "inanimate" character. He doesn't do anything!
Snake: Ah, but at least he's in the game, right?
Otacon: Yes... those Japanese have a pretty sick sense of humor.